Emily Kapp Comedy

Emily Kapp Comedy

Emily Kapp is a writer and performer based in Chicago. Her writing can be found in The Onion, McSweeney's, The Belladonna, Points in Case, Slackjaw, and more. She has been a Managing Editor at The Belladonna since June 2021, and additionally has had productions up across Chicago, including The Annoyance Theatre and The Bughouse Theater.

You can watch "The Devil is in the Retail(s)," a show co-written, co-directed, and co-produced with Jess DiBona at the Bughouse Theater in Chicago here. Watch her sketch group, Last Straw Sketch, here.

Contact: emilykapp611@gmail.com

Instagram & Twitter: @emilykapp_





FEATURED ARTICLES

McSweeney's Internet Tendency •

Welcome to WeStillWork, the Nursing Home for People Who Can’t Afford to Retire

Looking forward to your golden years, but afraid you’ll never be able to afford it? Our state-of-the-art facility offers elderly corporate drones the comfort of a living space with the same lack of character as an office cubicle. Be surrounded by like-minded residents like yourself, who will be working on their laptops to pay off their bills until the day they die. We did everything we could to re-create the best of the environment you spent seventy years toiling away in with the following ameni...
McSweeney's Internet Tendency •

I’m the String Lights in Your Room, and No, You Don’t Have Your Life Together

Hey you, sitting in the dark. It’s me, the string lights dangling over an Indian-inspired tapestry. You know, the one you saw Instagrammed by that blonde influencer you follow who uses me as the highlight of her decor? What I’m about to say might come as a bit of a shocker — having string lights in your room does not mean, in the slightest, that you have your life together. Hear me out: I was purchased for $7.99 at Target. My original purpose was to make a 50-year-old dorm room not look like a p...
McSweeney's Internet Tendency •

HR Pulls Your Kid in for a Performance Improvement Plan on Take Your Child to Work Day

Hey there, Kinzleigh. Take a seat by my desk, crisscross applesauce. As you may know, this year’s Take Your Child to Work Day coincides with our annual performance review period. We felt it would be right for all employees to be reviewed, no matter how long they’ve been with us or how many teeth they have lost. Unfortunately, Kinzleigh, after speaking to your manager, a.k.a. “Daddy,” we will need to put you on a PIP, or performance improvement plan. To begin with, you haven’t joined any of your...
Medium •

How Dare You Sit At A Coffee Shop Table With Access To An Outlet And Not Use It

How dare you. How dare you waltz into this coffee shop like you own the place, sit down at a table with prime, special access to an outlet, and not even use said outlet. It’s disgusting, it’s despicable, and it makes me sick.I bet you’d be happy to know that that’s my usual table, and that’s my usual outlet. Every day I sit in the seat you’re sitting in, bend down, and plug my charger into MY outlet. And I would’ve had that table, that seat, and that outlet, but someone else had already laid cla...
Medium •

Daily Itinerary of A Middle Schooler in 2007 Who Clearly Loves Her Handwriting

8:02am: Homeroom. I crack every single one of my knuckles to get them ready for battle today. Having good handwriting is hard work, but someone’s gotta do it.8:21am: Math class. I pass a handwritten note to my best friend Alyssa asking if she has a crush on Matthew, yes or no. The swoop of the y in “yes” is perfectly loopy without trying too hard that I wish I had more to ask her.8:25am: Mr. Sanders asks for volunteers to complete math problems on the board. My hand shoots up. I’ll never give up...
Medium •

Team USA Is Proud Of Our New Women’s Track Uniforms: A Birthday Suit With a Nike Logo Sharpied On

Last week, upon our reveal of the U.S women’s track and field uniforms, we received some concerning feedback. Several female athletes have complained about the uniform’s coverage and lack of comfort. Well, ladies, you asked, and we listened. Team USA and Nike are overjoyed to unveil the new and improved women’s track and field uniforms: absolutely nothing!You’ll be running completely naked.The moment we discovered that female athletes were unhappy with the uniform, we did what anyone would. We m...

FEATURED PERFORMANCES


The Devil is in the Retail(s)

I co-wrote, co-directed, co-produced, and co-starred alongside Jess DiBona in a 1.5 hour comedy sketch play about the hell that is working retail. We had a cast of 12 people and ran for four weeks at the Bughouse Theater in May 2025.